It's amazing to me that my fellow DL can speak so beautifully about what the lack of love can do to a person, and certain friends still do not show it. I guess, I should stop calling them friends. I mean they don't show that care or want to be a part of my life in any way, so why do I still consider them friends?
Because I care about them. I care about what is going on in their lives, I want to connect with them...I feel this need to connect with them. To have a relationship with them, but I feel blocked... At first by them and now I think I'm trying to protect myself and I block not only their attempts, but my own. Sad, isn't it?
As I sit here and cry with the pain oozing out of my heart, I wonder if they even realize the damage of the continual unhealthy friendships that are developed and left in the dust. I cannot place the blame solely on them for that would be wrong, but then what do I do with the hurt and anger I feel? If I blame myself I feel guilty and calm up, if I blame them...I get angry and depressed. I need healthy, active relationships with girls...with people....
Have I cut myself off from the rest of the world with my relationship with Ben? Have I proved to have too many issues for a friendship to continue? Is my personality just so wrong for a friendship? These are the questions I ask. Nothing is the answer I get.
No comments:
Post a Comment